Emails. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. No wait, that’s females.

Anyway, it was Halloween, and with that, came advertising themed to Halloween, because we live in capitalism. Not a capitalistic society; like inside the word capitalism. Between the T and the A.

Lots of Halloween themed emails came in, but if I were in charge, I’d have punched them all up a bit. Here’s what I mean...

David’s Tea

Jeepers creepers! FREE tea for Halloween

What I would have written:

Jeepers Creepers, where’d you get those Steepers? Jeepers Creepers, where’d you get those Chais? They’re free here today.

Target

Ding-dong. This Halloween deal’s at your door.

What I would have written:

Ding-dong. Trick or treat, smell my Starbucks, Subway, and random popcorn machine all in one place next to customer service, give me something good to eat. If you don’t, I don’t care, just go buy some underwear. It’s buy one, get one.

Expedia Travel Deals

A bewitching travel deal for you: 13% OFF hotel coupon, Halloween only.

What I would have written:

Traveling is Hell, and it all starts with Expedia. You’ll “witch” you used us sooner, like before you died and had to rent a car in Hell.

Anyway, hire me. Happy Halloween.