As some of you know, I recently moved. I left the comfort of my swanky midtown New York apartment and moved over to the border between Bedford-Stuyvesant and Bushwick, deep in the heart of Brooklyn. People say that the area there is getting better every day. I don't know. Like many of the other Borders that I know, this one looks run down and out of business too. But, as of now, I'm open to seeing what it turns into. All it needs is a touch of hipster and maybe a full series run of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: Brooklyn Edition, you know, if ABC is looking for a good Sunday lead in to 9:00. But enough about that. I'm not a tv executive... Yet!

Let's move onto the main reason I'm here. Some 320 million years ago, around when the dinosaurs were jerking each other off, there existed the first ever cockroaches. These guys have evolved like Pokemon over the last 320 million years and now reside as the pests we see today. This new apartment that I live in has so many cockroaches. I mean, I thought dinner was going to be made and on the table tonight when I got home. They are usually playing cards in my room. I join when I can. Anyway, these guys need to go. I don't like cockroaches. Only bugs I can't stand. Well, I don't like bees very much either. Silverfish, however, fascinate me. How do they have that many legs? Ants are so smart. Cockroaches serve no purpose and can just go die.

Now, I thought they were confined to my apartment. So imagine my surprise when I moved my keyboard at work and I found one the cockroaches scurrying around. There is no way to prove that it was a Brooklyn cockroach and not a Queens cockroach, except for the fact that it was wearing oversized white sunglasses and a fedora. I couldn't let it get away. Which is why when I saw it trying to make a call on my work telephone, I knew I had to act. Whack! Looks like you forgot to dial nine first. Your buddies can't help you here. The entire rest of the day I thought thousands of them were going to come streaming out of my backpack and attack me. And then they would eat me, and I would turn into a human made of a swarm of cockroaches.* Ew!

Luckily, that didn't happen. They bigs ones are still at home, biding their time until I come at them with the can of Raid again. That's an effective way to get rid of the ones I can see. But it's all about those ones that you can't see. That's your metaphor for this week. Sometimes, in life, our need to treat the problem at the source, not the surface. (free therapy)

I think I'd make an OK exterminator, don't you? I already were clothes that are way too big on me, and I don't enjoy office work. Plus, I like meeting people and killing roaches. Yeah, I'd make a great exterminator. I'll create that business soon. So, if you need an exterminator, hit me up! **

Ooh, look, there's one now. Gotta go!

* I recently read Prey by Michael Crichton and I'm fascinated by swarms of insects and nanoparticles right now. The technology is out there and very dangerous.

** Do not contact me.