Can you even believe that I went from a huge 6th anniversary blowout to missing a Monday? That's irrefutable and irrevocable. Irregardless, the time is at hand so let me grasp it with all of my fingers. I need to say my feelings, my thoughts, my prayers, my beliefs, MY DREAMS! And I need to say them now. Time is of the essence (magazine) people (magazine). Wake Up Sheeple!

I'm actually riding a pretty strong high right now. (No, I'm not on weed, although I do have someone's number for that, I think.) No, I did something weird today. I came out as a comedian at work. I totally Spacey-ed the situation, told everyone that more importantly than touching people as a civil engineer, I'm also touching people as a comedian. #bestself I totally used it as an excuse for my previous actions of missing hangouts after work, being a self introspective guy, and acting like I didn't need these people. Classic distraction effort! But I was wrong. I do need them. I need them a lot.

[sarcasm] But again, to reiterate, I definitely have to insensitively relate this to the very real struggle of people aiming to feel comfortable in their own bodies, against fear or judgment, resentment, humiliation, and being loved. I do. I have to do this. Comedy dictates that I blow this minuscule detail of my life that I'd been hiding from a few people way out of proportion and act like I'm making great strides in the civil rights movement. If only I didn't have to do this. But of course, I was a comedian the whole time, just like every male actor in show business was a pervert the whole time. These are our albatrosses. [sarcasm]

Back to my incessant need to be liked. It's really hard to get people to come to a 10:00 PM Triple Crown show, even if "Matt Demon" is doing a killer Harold on stage. But do you understand what I have here? It's an audience (more than two people and my mom) who are familiar with me and support me from the start. That's the goal of any comedian on stage. To immediately walk out and have the audience be on board with them as people and performers. If you don't bring an audience, you can still win them over the old fashioned way: confidence, experience, and paying them to be there.

None of these newly educated coworkers will come to anything that I do. "Wait, what Charlie?" Listen, I invite hundreds of people to shows all of the time and 0-5 people show up. Statistically, it's unlikely that any of these 10+ people will go somewhere to see me. I also don't want them to get burnt out on live comedy performance, because yes, that's a thing. You can get burnt out on live performance, if you go to a Michael Jackson or Richard Pryor show or something. And if they have to buy a ticket? Please, I know what they each make every year. They can't afford it!

All in all, I had been not showing my true self at work. We put up walls because we don't want to be hurt or we think that by covering up we maintain a mysterious person. It's impossible to connect with a mystery person though, that's why they reveal the people at the end of the dating game. So, I don't even know if I'm real anymore. What if I'm just an extension of your internet reality. Oh Shit! What if I've been Keyser Soze the whole time!!!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving folks! Remember to pardon your Uncle and not to talk politics with your Turkey. I'll of course be back next Monday, cyber or otherwise, to regal you of leftovers lost and turkeys gained. I didn't do a big Thanksgiving post this year because times are tough these days and we should poke fun at the more important stuff. Eat some turkey and sleep. Watch the parade. It'll be worth it. Enough of this gobbledegook. Let's eat!