If you aren't aware, I am trying to hold down two careers and a part time job in NYC. If that sounds busy to you, it is. And stressful. So naturally, the thing to do is to pick up a hobby. And my hobby is going to be cooking.

I fancy myself a sous chef, which in French means "fancy chef." I take certain liberties with recipes, and by that, I mean I don't use them. If I have three ingredients, I just sauté them all together, doesn't matter what they are. Like if I have a lemon, a stick of butter, and a green bell pepper, it looks like I'm having lemon butter pepper tonight. That's the avant guard approach that I take with food. No meal is out of the question, especially if the question is what am I going to do with this lemon, this stick of butter, and this bell pepper?

I've gotten really good at cooking certain foods. Like fish. I'm good with fish. You want fish? Come over to my house. Don't come over unannounced; let's set up a date. I don't always buy fish, but when I do, I prefer salmon. Also, I cook chicken well. Chicken is fun because every so often you can leave it in the oven for a while and can still have it be bloody inside. Like, if it was frozen, it'll be uncooked and you'll have to wait another 10-15 minutes for dinner when you're running late. Fun, right?

Listen, I bought good knives and I bought a good cutting board, so as far Amazon knows, I'm a chef. Shhh, don't tell them if I'm not, although, who am I kidding, they probably already know! (Throws knives and cutting board out the window and hears screams and explosions). It makes me feel like one at least. (Peers out of the window with binoculars.)

And that's the true meaning of cooking, isn't it? To feel as though you've made something special, even though it may look brown and unappetizing, and your left wondering just how you burnt your lemon butter pepper? I think so.

Sorry I've missed a few weeks of these. I would say I've been cooking, but that's a lie. Life got crazy as it does from time to time. But like the good people say, "if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." And you know what, I like the heat cause I'm a goddamn sous chef.