I have a confession to make. My name's Charlie... and I'm a millennial. Most you reading this are millennials too. I hate that word. It pains me to even think it right now. But wait, there's more. My name's still in Charlie, and I'm still a millennial, and also... I'm addicted to my cell phone. There, I said it. It's out. Oh, it feels so good to get that out of my pocket. You're probably reading this through your cracked cell phone glass right now like "Wow, me too!" That's good. Just admit it. Admitting it, that's the first step to recovery. The second step to recovery is "Did you try turning it off and turning it on again?" True story.

Now, most millennials are addicted to their phones. It's in the definition, I think. Or if it's not, it should be. I treat my phone like its my 6th limb, right behind limb number 5, my dick!! (#FratMove) It's not literally right behind my dick, there's too much moisture there. Who wants to keep buying rice every week? But figuratively, it's like a part of my body. It's my identity. It connects me to all of the dumb crap that my friends do. Never before in history have we been able to connect on such a superficial level with so many people. It's mindblowing.

But here's the catch. People who are older than millennials, say, the baby boomers, don't get it. They don't have blogs to update, Facebooks to read, and unnecessarily mean comments to leave anonymously on terrible YouTube videos. They just go about their day and when they need to, they call someone. Yuck! I sweat like a Texas Snowman when I'm on the phone. If you thought I stuttered in person, then you better w-w-w-watch out, cause it gets worse. It's crazy.

But, they don't have this problem. They gab and gab and gab like its no big deal. I love texting! (That might be the most millennial thing I've said yet.) It's just a more instant way to message people and you can't hear my sweaty, stuttering body. It works great for me. Carpel tunnel don't scare me at all. Well, maybe a little bit. But we'll cross that achy bridge when we come to it.

Sometimes, I think about not always being on my cell phone. But then I shove that thought away and murder it and tell no one. What I don't like is when it gets me into trouble at day care, I mean work. But my problem is that everything happening on my cell phone is infinitely more interesting than what's going on at work. Even the junk emails. I like knowing that Walk-inTubOutlet is offering affordable luxury. That spa life is appealing. Anyway, I'll talk more about this later. Don't worry. I'll always be a millenial at heart. (Published from my cell phone.)