Last month, Ireland became the first nation to officially legalize gay marriage. I, for one, am shocked. Who knew that a nation full of people who believe in rainbows and little hairy men would be so progressive?

A bagel store owner in Colorado created cannabis infused smoked salmon as part of the unofficial stoner holiday of 420, giving a whole new meaning to the term "High Holidays."

A woman in Toledo, Ohio reportedly went blind after being licked by her cat, catching a bacteria known as "Cat scratch." She's told reporters that she doesn't want to talk about the incident, so I guess the cat's got her tongue, too.

Cuba was officially removed from the U.S. terror blacklist, and the U.S. plans for a full renewal of diplomatic ties. Barack Obama evens plans to make Cuba the 51st state, affectionately calling it Florida 2.

Researchers have discovered that the whole "I'm bad with names" thing is a real condition, citing that "names are meaningless and don't establish much of a memory pathway by themselves." For more on that story, please contact... Oh crap! What's her name?... Oh. Hold on. It'll come to me. Ugh, I'm bad with names, sorry. Shit!!

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen will reportedly not return to reprise their starring role of Michelle in Netflix's sequel reboot of Full House, entitled Fuller House. The rest of the cast is very disappointed. When questioned, Stephanie said "How rude!" Uncle Joey said "Come on, now 'Cut them out.'" And Uncle Jesse said "Have mercy!" and launched into a guitar solo that I believe is still going on.

Robert De Niro gave the commencement speech at New York University's Tisch School of the Arts and told the recent grads "You made it - and, you're fucked." They all responded in unison "You talkin' to me?"

The Supreme Court Ruled that Facebook rants are not considered a crime, only a misdemeanor, punishable by an unfriending and a long comment about how Jesus still loves you.

Well, it's finally done. Bruce Jenner successfully transitioned into a woman and looks pretty damn good. She even has her own new reality show, appropriately called "TransJenner."

An official reported that dozens of venomous creatures washed up along the Surf City beach on Long Beach Island in early July. These creatures were identified by their scientific name: Guidos.

The Supreme Vourt ruled in favor of Gay Marriage, in an historic landslide vote of 5-4. I say landslide, not referring to the number of supporters, but to the loudest and most flamboyant way a vote can happen.

A 22 year old man died instantly after setting off a firework on the top of his head. Relatives said "He always knew how to light up a room."