Thank God that it's Thanksgiving again, although God had nothing to do with it. It's really our perception of time that brought Thanksgiving here, yet again. (For more information on how to perceive time, please contact Jaden and Willow Smith. They are experts on the subject of timelines, space, and saying dumb stuff on Twitter.) The point is that Thanksgiving is here, and with it, comes the holiday season. Radio stations have switched to Christmas music. TV channels have switched to Christmas movies. I've switched to my Christmas underwear. (For those who don't know, that is the pair of underwear that I wear from Thanksgiving Day until Christmas Eve, then take off and stuff up the chimney so that Santa doesn't come to my house. Works every time. Twenty two years and counting.) Everything has changed for the better.

You know, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I just love all of the food and things that go on. I couldn't care less about that Pilgrim business. If you can't stand the heat, get out of New England. Plymouth Rocks! Listen, Thanksgiving is a special time for family, friends, and arguments with your relatives over which level of Candy Crush is the hardest. That's what it's about. People talking turkey and eating football. Or vice versa.

I am always thankful for everything in my life that is going great, so in other words, nothing. (Ba dum tiss!! That's a joke, people. Don't institutionalize me.) Remember what you are thankful for and have a wonderful Thanksgiving. A great turkey once said, "Gobble gobble bock bock!" and really offended a large group of people. You can't say that they all look alike. That turkey was then murdered in an oven. He never tasted better.