I walked by a game of Quidditch yesterday (not Quids itch, like this stupid autocorrect wants to write). No, I wasn't at Hogwarts, if that’s what you were thinking. I was right here in America. People were flying around on brooms and passing quaffles back and forth. In fact, one guy just stopped in midair, quaffle in hand, and hesitated throwing it. He waffled with a quaffle...
Nah, I'm just shitting you, the people weren't actually flying around because that’s impossible. And I think they were using volleyballs. And the snitch was just a guy running around telling on people, who the players had to catch and beat up. That's the problem with muggles today. They are all just copycats. What, just because the wizards and witches come up with an enchanting game that has a lot of charm and excitement, the muggles can't let them have this one thing? Don't muggles have everything else, like equality and freedom? I think if we let them take this, we are sending the message that whatever genius idea wizards and witches come up with for fun is public domain, free for the taking and franchising. That's why I am petitioning to create the Magical Understanding of Good Games License Entitlement Act, or M.U.G.G.L.E. Act, in order to protect the wizarding world from such blatant and inexcusable theft and ruination of such a classic and beloved sport. Because the wizarding world doesn't have too much, and it's high time we fixed that. I mean we are already making them use a fraction of our train station platforms. So if you're with me, let's get equality for all by being all for equality. (Mudbloods need not apply)