A long, long time ago, like 2015ish, I wrote a song parody of American Pie, the one-hit-wonder song by Don McLean. It was to be used in a sketch show, and I think I did start to sing it, but they interrupted me or something. That was the joke. Until then, I’ve never shared it. Something about today being Pi Day makes me want to share it here. So behold, my two verse American Pie parody, because four verses would keep us here all day. Happy 3.14!

“A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that number used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
I could find a pattern perchance
In that number that goes on for a while

But math textbooks made me quiver
With every theory I’d consider
Some say there’s no repeat
I couldn’t take that defeat

I can’t remember if I tried
To comb through every digit inside
Or simply square and then divide
That infinite Pi

So why, why, this long number pi,
Drove me crazy to think maybe but that maybe’s a lie
With them good ole digits all passing me by
Thinkin’ this’ll be the day I solve pi
This’ll be the day I solve pi

Have you read a book on math
And do you become irate with wrath
About this Pi ratio?
Now do you think Pi is rational?
The circumference of a circle?
And a number that is transcendental?

Well, I know that there are patterns here
’Cause I saw some sevens that were near
A nine, a three, and a two
And, I think there’s eights here too

I was a big strong teenage football jock
Before my brain started to try and unlock
The pattern inside that will shock
Three point one four one five

I was thinking why, why, this long number pi,
Drove me crazy to think maybe but that maybe’s a lie
With them good ole digits all passing me by
Thinkin’ this’ll be the day I solve pi
This’ll be the day I solve pi

Now, for ten years I’ve been locked alone
And cross posting a long reddit tome
But that’s not how it used to be

When this jockster ran and controlled the scene
In a school and looking like James Dean
With a brain that couldn’t count to three

Oh, and while this jock was flunking math
The textbook opened to a graph
The classroom disappeared
My vision was all cleared

And while my friends went to college bars
A circle fractured in the dark
As my mind hit a question mark
Three point one four one five

I was thinking why, why, this long number pi,
Drove me crazy to think maybe but that maybe’s a lie
With them good ole digits all passing me by
Thinkin’ this’ll be the day I solve pi

Finally I was forced to choose
Between my work and some crappy news
But I just laughed and turned away
I think that there is something more
Because I’ve seen many forty-fours
But the experts say it’s nothing every day

And in my sleep, the numbers streamed
The digits flied and the theories beamed
But not a form was woken
There were no patterns broken

And the three that I thought might host
A model, rule or figure to post
Left me absurdly too engrossed
In three point one four one five

I was thinking why, why, this long number pi,
Drove me crazy to think maybe but that maybe’s a lie
With them good ole digits all passing me by
Thinkin’ this’ll be the day I solve pi
This’ll be the day I solve pi

I was thinking why, why, this long number pi,
Drove me crazy to think maybe but that maybe’s a lie
With them good ole digits all passing me by
Thinkin’ this’ll be the day I solve pi”